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about me
When I was young, I went on a pilgrimage towards the promised land of the United States of America from the frozen wasteland of the Canadian tundra. After adapting to the tropical climate of the northern states and learning the American tongue, I started this blog to document my life as a Canadian in the U.S.Eh.
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Blog Design © 2006 Terka.
Monday, October 06, 2008
I Am a Good Driver.
9:06 pm by evlglfngcwmstr
I am seventeen years old. I am a good driver.
"Wait, what?" you may ask yourself, "Do those two sentences go together? Isn't teenager synonymous with bad driver?"
You would think so.
You would also be wrong.
I am a good driver. I have been driving for nearly a year and a half. I have never crashed into another car, or anything else, for that matter. I have never done something stupid that has caused my car to be sent away for a few days to the car doctor. The one time I was pulled over was because I needed to follow to my friend the wrong way down a one-way street that I didn't realize was a one-way street, and I got off with a warning. I never answer my cell phone in the car. I love driving other people around, and the only way I am affected by the distraction is that I sometimes forget where I am going, but I NEVER forget the rules of the road.
Let's take that paragraph and warp it so that we can all read it from the perspective of an overprotective parent who does not let his or her child drive with other teenagers (or, as I like to call them, cowardly bastards, or CB's for short).
"I am a good driver" = I pretend I'm a good driver so that I can lure your son/daughter into the car with me so that I can kill them on the road.
"I have been driving for nearly a year and a half" = driving less than 20 years = IMMINENT DOOM.
"I have never crashed into another car, or anything else, for that matter" = when I am not drunk and can remember properly.
"I have never done something stupid that has caused my car to be sent away for a few days to the car doctor" = the wrecks are so bad I have to get a new car every time.
"The one time I was pulled over was because I needed to follow to my friend the wrong way down a one-way street that I didn't realize was a one-way street, and I got off with a warning" = I should totally have a sixth sense for one-way streets, not to mention a perfect sense of direction so that I never get lost.
"I never answer my cell phone in the car" = unless it's a REALLY important call or a text.
"I love driving other people around, and the only way I am affected by the distraction is that I sometimes forget where I am going, but I NEVER forget the rules of the road" = ...except when I'm drunk and about to kill your son/daughter.
Please keep in mind that the part after the equals sign is what the CB's assume I really mean.
I realize that the term "cowardly bastard" may be somewhat offensive to some people. But what you must realize is that I have been equally offended.
How would you feel if I walked up to you and told you that I did not want my child riding in the car with you because I thought you were a bad driver, when I had never even BEEN in the car with you? Don't you think that that is unfair judgment? Why, just because I am a teenager, does the whole world assume that I am about to cause injury or death to those around me?
You think that you're protecting your son or daughter. You think that by buying them their own car when they get their license, limiting their use of it, not allowing them on the highway, not allowing them to drive other kids, is helping them, is protecting them. What about when they leave your safe, warm, protective nest? What about when they're in college, with their own car, access to alcohol, and the whole world in front of them without you standing in the way?
A lot of people might say "the statistics say," "I read an article that said," etc. and frankly, I don't care what you read about 256% of the teen population getting drunk and driving around a car-full of people at 80 mph speeds on the local roads on Saturday night and killing everybody. You simply cannot generalize a statistic to each separate person.
I bet there are teen drivers who are better drivers than you are. Maybe not me. But I'm sure that there are some out there. You can spew your arguments about experience all you want, but what do you have experience with? Maybe driving when you're a little buzzed. Speeding. Not using your blinkers. Blinding other drivers with your high beams. Not turning on your four-ways. Frankly, you do not have experience with the rules of the road; you have experience with the LIMITS of the rules of the road. And here I am, not driving long enough to have chronic bad habits, never drinking, never going more than 5 miles over the speed limit, always yielding right-of-way where it's due, with 12 hours of driving lessons and interminable hours of driver's ed under my belt, not to mention taking the test twice. What did you have to do? Study a bit, drive for a day, and take the test?
Leave me alone and let me drive your kid when it's convenient. Otherwise I will not withhold my "cowardly bastard" judgment.
"Wait, what?" you may ask yourself, "Do those two sentences go together? Isn't teenager synonymous with bad driver?"
You would think so.
You would also be wrong.
I am a good driver. I have been driving for nearly a year and a half. I have never crashed into another car, or anything else, for that matter. I have never done something stupid that has caused my car to be sent away for a few days to the car doctor. The one time I was pulled over was because I needed to follow to my friend the wrong way down a one-way street that I didn't realize was a one-way street, and I got off with a warning. I never answer my cell phone in the car. I love driving other people around, and the only way I am affected by the distraction is that I sometimes forget where I am going, but I NEVER forget the rules of the road.
Let's take that paragraph and warp it so that we can all read it from the perspective of an overprotective parent who does not let his or her child drive with other teenagers (or, as I like to call them, cowardly bastards, or CB's for short).
"I am a good driver" = I pretend I'm a good driver so that I can lure your son/daughter into the car with me so that I can kill them on the road.
"I have been driving for nearly a year and a half" = driving less than 20 years = IMMINENT DOOM.
"I have never crashed into another car, or anything else, for that matter" = when I am not drunk and can remember properly.
"I have never done something stupid that has caused my car to be sent away for a few days to the car doctor" = the wrecks are so bad I have to get a new car every time.
"The one time I was pulled over was because I needed to follow to my friend the wrong way down a one-way street that I didn't realize was a one-way street, and I got off with a warning" = I should totally have a sixth sense for one-way streets, not to mention a perfect sense of direction so that I never get lost.
"I never answer my cell phone in the car" = unless it's a REALLY important call or a text.
"I love driving other people around, and the only way I am affected by the distraction is that I sometimes forget where I am going, but I NEVER forget the rules of the road" = ...except when I'm drunk and about to kill your son/daughter.
Please keep in mind that the part after the equals sign is what the CB's assume I really mean.
I realize that the term "cowardly bastard" may be somewhat offensive to some people. But what you must realize is that I have been equally offended.
How would you feel if I walked up to you and told you that I did not want my child riding in the car with you because I thought you were a bad driver, when I had never even BEEN in the car with you? Don't you think that that is unfair judgment? Why, just because I am a teenager, does the whole world assume that I am about to cause injury or death to those around me?
You think that you're protecting your son or daughter. You think that by buying them their own car when they get their license, limiting their use of it, not allowing them on the highway, not allowing them to drive other kids, is helping them, is protecting them. What about when they leave your safe, warm, protective nest? What about when they're in college, with their own car, access to alcohol, and the whole world in front of them without you standing in the way?
A lot of people might say "the statistics say," "I read an article that said," etc. and frankly, I don't care what you read about 256% of the teen population getting drunk and driving around a car-full of people at 80 mph speeds on the local roads on Saturday night and killing everybody. You simply cannot generalize a statistic to each separate person.
I bet there are teen drivers who are better drivers than you are. Maybe not me. But I'm sure that there are some out there. You can spew your arguments about experience all you want, but what do you have experience with? Maybe driving when you're a little buzzed. Speeding. Not using your blinkers. Blinding other drivers with your high beams. Not turning on your four-ways. Frankly, you do not have experience with the rules of the road; you have experience with the LIMITS of the rules of the road. And here I am, not driving long enough to have chronic bad habits, never drinking, never going more than 5 miles over the speed limit, always yielding right-of-way where it's due, with 12 hours of driving lessons and interminable hours of driver's ed under my belt, not to mention taking the test twice. What did you have to do? Study a bit, drive for a day, and take the test?
Leave me alone and let me drive your kid when it's convenient. Otherwise I will not withhold my "cowardly bastard" judgment.
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