I’m the girl you neglected.
The girl you rejected.
The girl who is just looking for meaning in this lifeless world.
The girl with whom you shared your secrets.
The girl with whom you shared sleepovers,
And parties
And happiness.
But where is that happiness now?
Lost so easily to judgment, to discord?
I stand by choices I have made,
Choices that drive my happiness further and further away.
Why can’t you stand by my choices too?
Do you understand when you look at me
That I know we’re drifting apart
And it kills me every single day?
Do you know how often I lie in the darkness
Longing
Yearning
For another place and time?
A setting in which we could stand by and support each other
As the friends we once were.
I know that I have done wrong,
I know that I am not a good person,
And it was difficult for me to accept,
To forgive myself,
Under the pretense that I could be happier.
Now that is done with,
And I am not happier.
I have accepted my wrongs,
Can you?
Can you forgive me for my faults?
I understand if you can’t,
I can barely forgive myself.
Yet still I stand by my decisions.
When you talk about me
When you discuss the sins I’ve committed
Remember the passage
Let the one who is without sin throw the first stone.
I am not religious,
But that makes sense to me.
I know I am self-centered
Egotistical
And opinionated.
I was hoping you’d love me anyway
Because I can’t.
But I know you don’t.
I also know that you are self-centered
Obnoxious
Compulsively unique
Compulsively different
Egotistical
Annoying
And hateful.
I love you anyway,
And I wish you still loved me.
I did not want to be this way,
Friendless and lonely,
Paranoid and unforgiving,
But it was you who made me this way.
You taught me not to trust,
To know that the world is against me,
As well as you.
I will not apologize for what I have done.
I will not rebuild my burnt bridges.
No, scratch that.
I will not rebuild my unintentionally burnt bridges.
Because my ego, my self, is bruised,
(You know how easily I bruise)
And I was hoping you could help me.
If not, well,
I guess that’s cool too.
I just wanted to tell you
That I’m addicted to your friendship,
And withdrawal’s a bitch.
I can accept your wrongs,
Can you accept mine?
